Happy Trails in 2015 (168-143): Agony of Da-feet

This is part of what ought to be a consistent series about the teams eliminated from contention for the World Cup. It ought to be consistent, and I ought to be better about balancing work and personal life. Still, before we embark on another big year in international soccer it's nice to remember those we are destined to forget about in 2015.

There's a lot of them so we'll split it into two posts: this is the second post, devoted to those teams who won just enough to make this really hurt.

CONCACAF 3rd Round
168 Gotta go, Grenada (2014 Finish #155; -13) 
Why They Lost: Much as some might complain about the overly defensive and dull football we see now-a-days, a little bit of defense is rather valuable. Ceding six goals to Haiti and only scoring one thanks to a penalty made the Spice Boys a lost cause.

What We'll Miss: Seeing the few remaining Spice Men from last cycles squad explain what the Spice Girls were to the brewing batch of 20 somethings coming up with Grenada.

167 Best wishes, Belize (2014 Finish #150; -17)

Ohh, that old time propaganda

Why They Lost: If you think that Canada has it tough (what with being America's hat), just know that Belize has it even tougher. Claims that they're Honduras' belt buckle have a lot more menace to them, given long histories of Central American conflict, as opposed to the 200 years of tenuous peace between the US and Canada. I'm sure the Canucks were just trying to teach their fellow Commonwealthers how to deal with the angst...and snuck four goals against them just because.

What We'll Miss: The CONCACAF poster  boy for scoring for fun: Deon Macaulay, especially if we can put his name alongside Luis Suarez for top scorer in the tournament.

166 Ayo, Curacao (2014 Finish #149; -17)
Why They Lost: With coach Patrick Kluivert at the helm, Curacao had a tremendous run of form, going undefeated in his first six matches. Unfortunately that Kluivertian magic ran out because Patrick Kluivert could not call up Patrick Kluivert to pick apart El Salvador.

What We'll Miss: More Patrick Kluivert analysis!! PATRICK KLUIVERT!!!

165 And we'll be seeing you, Antigua Barbuda (2014 finish #128; -37)
Why They Lost: The Brenna Boys were keen to keep the magic of their last run in a World Cup (when they made what it is now the 4th round), and the master work of their last round (when they piled on the goals late against Saint Lucia to win on aggregate). And while they had it in hand after a first leg win, and a first-half scoreless line, two late goals ended what they clearly wanted to be a recurring dream.

What We'll Miss: Antigua/Barbuda's two captains, Josh Parker (at Red Star Belgrade) and Quinton Griffith (with USL's Charleston Battery) are strong, experienced, well capped and just 25 and 23 respectively.

164 Tot Gauw, Aruba (2014 Finish #192; + 28)
*NOTE: If you noticed Aruba in a previous Happy Trails, please return and see just how Barbados lost a game they won*
Why they lost: After "winning" despite not scoring a goal in the last round, Aruba turned their attentions to a more home grown squad, trimming their Dutch league talent from 14 to 6. Still, they scored more goals than they had before...so maybe the magic touch will be an all Aruban line up

What we'll miss: The eternal dream of being able to sing "Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I want to take you" with a group of ultra fans at a World Cup qualifier between the Beach Boys' rivals.

163 Adios, Nicaragua (2014 Finish #153; -10)

GOOOOOOLL ie!

Why They Lost: La Azul y Blanco, won a great victory in Kingston, trumping the CONCACAF silver medalist on their home turf. But that don't mean a thing if you don't keep it together in your own backyard, losing 2-0 to fall 4-3 on aggregate.

What We'll Miss: The chance to get Fox Sports and Fox News to cross promote with Oliver North as an embedded reporter with the Nicaraguans!


CAF 2nd Round
162 Tutaonana, Tanzania (2014 Finish #100; -62) -7 to Algeria +2
Why They Lost: Tanzania forgot one of the most critical rules in international football: "don't lose 7-0 to Algeria".

What We'll Miss: We were fans of Mrisho Ngassa before. We're still fans of Mrisho Ngassa. But when his national team only gives him two caps in two years...it's a little hard to feel the love.

161 A bientot, Togo (2014 Finish #106; -55)
Why They Lost: The downside to having a golden generation that takes you to two world cups, is that eventually they get older and less golden.

What We'll Miss: Emmanuel Adebayor's auditions to play somewhere...anywhere...

160 Later, Liberia (2014 Finish #107; -53) 

Why They Lost: The Lone Stars have been undergoing quite the change of late with 22 players being called up to experience national team life for the first time. Unfortunately, when you play Cote D'Ivoire and their years of experience, you get blooded and bloodied at the same time.

What We'll Miss: Liberia recently called up George Weah Jr. (who did have 2 caps with the US U-20 squad), and the thought of the former World Player of the Year coming with orange slices is kind of nice.

159 M'asselema, Sudan (2014 Finish #113; -56)  
Why They Lost: The Falcons of Jediane struggled to do one critical thing against Zambia: score.

What We'll Miss: Omar Al-Bashir has been downgraded to number two on the list of tyrannical Bashirs around the world. It would be nice to rub his nose in that a little longer...if it didn't involve, you know...allowing the other awful Bashir to continue being awful.

158 Nangalapo, Namibia (2014 Finish #103; -55) 

Why They Lost: Like Liberia and Sudan, Namibia dropped three goals to their rival this round (Guinea), as the old saying goes: live by Willy Stephanus, die by Willy Stephanus

What We'll Miss: There's a whole lot of crazy FA Logos out there, and it's a little comforting to find a few understated classics out there.

157 Sai Watarna, Niger (2014 Finish #110; -47)

Why They Lost: Les Menas (or the Gazelles if you prefer not to speak French) got a tremendous result with a draw in Cameroon, but dropped three goals in the first leg at home to seal their own fates.

What We'll Miss: A favorite of ours from last cycle, Amadou Moutari, has excelled for Anzhi Makhachkala since he moved there two years ago, earning promotion and keeping them just above the drop zone.

Gelson hoping for a ride to prom

156 Enda Nawa, Angola (2014 Finish #104; -52) 
Why They Lost: That old cliche about scoring too early was proven all the more accurate when they scored their only goal of the tie, in the second minute of the first match. After that...South Africa kept tacking on.

What We'll Miss: That goal scorer? 19 year old Gelson, the future of Angolan soccer, particularly since the past of Angolan soccer has pretty much headed home.

155 Murabeho, Rwanda (2014 Finish #111; -44)  -3 to Libya +1 (Libya Lowest team left from July ranks)
Why They Lost: The Wasps are one of the youngest, and most intriguing teams of the moment. They've been rising in stature through the last several years with a young and growing squad. They were favored in their match against Libya, but after a penalty in the first game they were on the back foot. And Libya was able to capitalize on a desperate Rwandan squad in the second half to put it away.

What We'll Miss: Four years is a long time to wait for Rwanda to get back in action, that's where keeping up on other African competitions will pay off.

154 Adieu, Chad (2014 Finish #162; + 8)

Why They Lost: Chad very nearly pulled an upset of the early stages having taken a 1-0 victory over Egypt in the first tie (even though the Pharaohs hit them hard in Chad a month before). But four goals int he first half in Alexandria to start the second leg ended any hopes Les Sao might have had.

What We'll Miss: Le Mond Francophone. Chad has 20 of its 22 most recent call ups playing in one of 6 French speaking leagues around the world. That's a lot of haute cuisine.

153 Veloma, Madagascar (2014 Finish #161; +8)
Why They Lost: Everything was copacetic in Antananarivo, the Barea scored two in the first half to grab an early lead. But it wasn't enough to win the first 45 minutes, and Senegal scored 5 in the remaining 135 to take it by a seemingly comfortable 5-2 margin.

What We'll Miss: Madagascar's second goal scorer was Njiva Rakotoharimalala, and as awesome as that name is to say, it's still not quite as good as his fellow midfielder John Baggio Rakotonomenjanahary...seriously, Roberto Baggion might be the more legendary athlete,

 Le Comodore du Comoros

152 Namkwaheri, Comoros (2014 Finish #166; + 14)

Why They Lost: Comoros started well with a draw at home with the now perennially problematic Ghanaian squad, but you can't really stop the Ayew boys, you can only hope to contain them, and so it was with Comoros as well.

What We'll Miss: I invariably relate Comoros with Comodores...so there's that little amusement gone.

151 Sala Kahle, Swaziland (2014 Finish #169; +18)

Why They Lost: At some point you might assume that the mightiest teams were playing back a bit, waiting for the home leg to seize the advantage. Yet again the underdog got a draw to start, and yet again in the second leg, the top flight squad took the advantage. So you could say Swaziland lost because they got played by the system.

What We'll Miss: If the mayors of teams in national championships make wagers on who will win, it would be nice to see the King of Swaziland bet the Queen of England on a match (particularly as it would add just enough pressure to get the English to scuffle).

150 Ma'as salaama, Mauritania (Did not enter in 2014) 

Why They Lost: Tunisia tallied a pair of 2-1 wins both home and away, as untested goal keeper Brahim Soulemaine yielded four to four different scorers.

What We'll Miss: It's a shame that the Maruitania First Division doesn't get much air time in the states. Reigning champions Tevragh Zeina can boast of having a midfield full of national team selections.

149 Dehna Hunu, Ethiopia (2014 Finish #38; -111) 
Why They Lost: Maybe the thrill of their epic run last time around was bound to beget a hangover. Maybe they were worn down from their first round victory. Maybe Congo was just better. Whatever the case there will be no repeat for the Walia whose crashing defeat may make them the biggest drop from one cup to the next.

What We'll Miss: The audacity and fearlessness of Getaneh Kedabe, notching two of the team's four goals this round and showing why (at age 23) he's entrenched at the top of the Ethiopian scorer sheet.


148 Kwaherini, Kenya (2014 Finish #108; -40)
Why They Lost: Kenya nearly knocked out the other epic story of underdog overachievement from 2014 when they took the first leg against Cape Verde. But ceding a brace to Heldon Ramos back in Praia, swung it back towards the Blue Sharks

What We'll Miss: Kenya's president and vice president have had to face questions from the International Criminal Court...so our decision to invest in Kenyan sports tv rather than Kenyan CourtTv is looking like less of a winner.

147 Magha, Equatorial Guinea (2014 Finish #102; -45) 
Why They Lost: The "National Thunder" has been riding high since their fourth place finish in January (you know...the super sketchy one filled with accusations of human rights violations, referee bribes and a semifinal riot?). But the heavily favored Equitorians were bounced by everyone's oft-forgotten old giant of African football: Morocco...maybe because they could bribe/riot their way to victory?

What We'll Miss: Teodoro Obiang. Of all the ass-hatted dictators who use football to supplement their hold on power among lower classes, you are surely one of them.

146 Salang Sentle, Botswana (2014 Finish #69; -77)
Why They Lost: The Zebras ousted Eritrea in the first round and took a 2-1 lead into the second leg with Mali. But the 2-0 loss in Bamako was enough to end their run.

What We'll Miss: Have you seen these jerseys? I mean...seriously...have you seen them? Zubas are ready for a law suit!

145 N'gasaka, Burundi (2014 Finish #163; +18)
Why They Lost: Fiston Abdul Razak can do many things. He got Burundi past Seychelles, and nearly got Les Hisrondelles back into the end of their tie with DR Congo. But he cannot stop shots...yet...

What We'll Miss: We sadly don't know many guys named Fiston.

144 Bo yi bo wa, Benin (2014 Finish #105; - 39) 

Why They Lost: Like so many teams, Benin couldn't finish off an early lead with a win or draw on the road when they needed it. As consolation, they did lose to Burkina Faso, perhaps the most deserving team yet to make a World Cup.

What We'll Miss: Every time I look into Benin there's another random factoid to amuse me. Their team nickname is "The Squirrels" seriously!!


143 Adeus, Mozambique (2014 Finish #112; -31)
Why They Lost: After 180 minutes Mozambique and Gabon were knotted at 1. So they played extra time, and were still tied. So they kicked penalties, and when gifted a golden opportunity when Malick Evouna missed, Luis Miquissone AND Clesio Bauque both misfired. That was all Gabon needed

What We'll Miss: Deriding Bauque. After all, he just got promoted to the Benefica A Team, so maybe there will be another chapter in his story.

Happy Trails #175-144

Some people sneak peeks at game scores between spreadsheets and meetings, I managed to find a way to sneak peeks at the results from World Cup qualifiers between activities and lessons. Heck, I tried to squeeze score updates into classroom conversation (it helps teaching world literature to kids from diverse backgrounds...all the more reason to say--and hey, since we've read about Sumeria let's check in on how their great, great, great (x10 to the 25th) grand kids are doing in world cup qualifying!).

But for now, let's just satisfy ourselves with digging into the nitty gritty of who fell flat, and why.

175 Where'd you go, Mauritius?
Why They Lost: Generally speaking, not playing the games at all doesn't help your chances. (Though being nicknamed the Dodos, an extinct bird probably didn't help any.) Mauritius became the third team to back out of the competition, due to lack of funds.
Who/What We'll Miss: Cheering for our favorite strikers from Mauritius' Pamplemousse FC (aka Grapefruit FC)

174 Ka Kite, Cook Islands
Why They Lost: They only have 24,000 citizens from which to draw a team (Helena could have a deeper bench)
Who/What We'll Miss: Food Network mistakingly airing games from Oceanic qualifiers.

Diamond Ott at Right

173 Tofa, American Samoa
Why They Lost: Despite having gotten schellacked by an international record score of 31-0 by Australia in April, American Samoa nearly got into Round Two of OFC qualifying. Needing a win against hosts Samoa in their final match they unfortunately lost 1-0 and went home in third place after notching their first four points EVER in World Cup Qualifying
Who/What We'll Miss: His last second near-equalizer almost made him a hero but really, just being named Diamond Ott makes you a winner in our books.



172 Mou Nofo A, Tonga
Why They Lost: Despite a win in their rivalry game against Cook Islands (known as the Battle for James Cook's Love) they couldn't come up with needed results against either American Samoa or Samoa.
Who/What We'll Miss: We have to assume the erstwhile "Friendly Islands" would have made a great host for various matches.

171: Ma'as salaama, Djibouti
Why They Lost: It sure looked like the Djibouti never stood a chance, getting whooped 4-0 on both legs of their home-and-away series with titans Namibia. So don't color us surprised.
Who/What We'll Miss: Let's be honest...north, south, east or west, "Djibouti" is about the most enjoyable name of a nation to say.

No luck for you
Kevin Betsy!

170: Orevwar, Seychelles
Why They Lost: Despite establishing themselves as the most dominant island nation in the Indian ocean, that's still a little like being the toughest kid in the sou-southeasterly corner of the sandbox, and they never stood a chance against the heavyweights in Kenya.
Who/What We'll Miss: It's a shame that after 14 years bouncing around the divisions of English football that Kevin Betsy's only been able to play a few games for the Seychelles, it's even more disappointing that he's done in World Cup qualifiers before he even got started.

169: Sala Kahle, Swaziland
Why They Lost: Perhaps the King's Shield was still riding high off a stunning win against Togo prior to the 2010 World Cup, but they looked totally over matched losing 8-2 aggregate to Congo DR.
Who/What We'll Miss: I had a grad school advisor who was tight with the King of Swaziland...so based on two degrees of separation I'm sorry they came up so short.

mmmm....sponge bread

168: Nabad geylo, Somalia
Why They Lost: Inexplicably, after a 0:0 draw in the first leg the Ocean Stars got pummeled by Ethiopia 5-0 in the second leg.
Who/What We'll Miss: Minneapolis is a haven for Somalian refugees, it would have been nice to eat some canjeero during the matches from Brazil.

167: Tchau, Sao Tome e Principe
Why They Lost: Like Somalia, Sao Tome e Principe followed up a strong draw with Congo in the first leg with a brutal 5-0 drubbing in the second match.
Who/What We'll Miss: If Sao Tome e Principe had qualified for the second round they would have proven a remarkable story; coming back after 8 years off from relevant matches to pull a stunner like that? Amazing. Of course, they lost....but if it HAD happened!

166: Namkwaheri, Comoros
Why They Lost: Losing the first leg 4-1 in Mozambique dug a hole that the Coelacanth's could not come back from.
Who/What We'll Miss: In addition to a young and growing team, it's a shame that we no longer have a team in the competition whose nickname is a prehistoric fish.

Afewerki's stunned into silence
by my brutal burn

165: Selamet, Eritrea
Why They Lost: After two years without participating in international competition, the Eritreans might have been a little under prepared for the next round of competition.
Who/What We'll Miss: Another despotic tyrant's team is out of the picture, meaning one less figure to mock with the immunity of American internet anonymity. So let's get the joke out while we can: Isaias Afewerki impinges on freedom of the press so much he won't even let people iron their shirts! (KA ZING!!!)

164: Nabai, Guinea Bissau
Why They Lost: Despite being neck-and-neck with Togo through two legs of qualification, Guinea-Bissau fell a goal short because Emmanuel Adebayor loves crushing people's dreams.
Who/What We'll Miss: At 19, midfielder Zezinho is already a valuable part of Sporting's reserve squad. Maturing into a leader could make him and the Djurtus a future force.

163: N'agasaka, Burundi
Why They Lost: Only managing a 2-2 draw at home against fellow minnow Lesotho left the Swallows helpless to move on.
Who/What We'll Miss: The opportunity to keep running this video clip of Eddie Izzard's imagined cup of coffee with the president of Burundi (Pierre Nkurunziza)

162: Adieu, Chad
Why They Lost: The 2-1 loss at home gave Les Sao a lot to overcome in the second leg, and though they notched a win in Tanzania, the 1-0 score line had them head home on away goals.
Who/What We'll Miss: The chance to talk to the perpetually underrated Japhet "The Wizard" N'Doram.

161: Veloma, Madagascar
Why They Lost: After falling 2-0 in the oppressive oil baron dictatorship of Equitorial Guinea, and conceding another goal at home, Madagascar needed four second half goals to move ahead--they settled for 2 goals and a hard fought victory.
Who/What We'll Miss: Insinuating that they sold their national football soul to Dreamworks in association for positive references in the Madagascar cartoon series.

160: So long, US Virgin Islands
Why They Lost: Our "Well-I'll-Be-Damned" Minnow to Watch in CONCACAF's 2nd Round of qualifying had a problem keeping balls out of the back of their net scoring 2 and allowing 40 to finish last in their group.
Who/What We'll Miss: Finding more parallels between Tim Duncan and Peter Crouch.

159: See you later, Barbados

TRIDENT TEAM, ASSEMBLE!

Why They Lost: While their goal differential of -12 is a far cry from USVI's -38, they still lost all six matches.
Who/What We'll Miss: I still love this set of Barbadian superheroes I found on a random google search...seriously, where can I find these action figures?

158: Bon swe, Dominica
Why They Lost: Deprived of two matches against Bermuda in Group C, Dominica was the weakest of that lot failing to score a single goal (see, something to be proud of Barbados/USVI)
Who/What We'll Miss: The chance to talk to our most random club team affiliation so far--Midfielder Chad Bertrand, born Dominican, yet playing in Goa, India.

157: Catch you later, St. Lucia
Why They Lost: Though they did muster a draw against St. Kitts & Nevis, St. Lucia came up empty in all their other matches
Who/What We'll Miss: They still dance quadrilles for fun down there! It's like Jane Austen in a tropical climate!

156: Time to cash in, Cayman Islands
Why They Lost: The "Shell Corporations" round out our bottom five of CONCACAF because they, like their fellow cellar dwellars couldn't do much offensively or defensively (notice a theme coaches?)
Who/What We'll Miss: Tax evasion jokes

It's not like England
would try him again anyway

155: Gotta go, Grenada
Why They Lost: While Grenada has players among top flight leagues in the US and England, most are at/or near their 30 year old season, making them a little old to keep up with younger fresher teams.
Who/What We'll Miss: They are known as "The Spice Boys" which makes the chance of buying David Beckham's nationality before 2014 all the more tempting.

154: Fare thee well, St. Vincent/Grenadines
Why They Lost: Just a step ahead of Grenada, come the Grenadines who can thank their spot to an extra draw against Belize...of course it didn't help them win the group...but isn't beating Grenada more important? (No? Oh, right...no)
Who/What We'll Miss: Yet another cool nickname for a team: "Vincy Heat"...you can almost hear LeBron James switching teams again...

153: Adios, Nicaragua
Why They Lost: Handily beat Dominica both times they played but couldn't muster much against Panama losing both of those. Clearly they should have tried to play Dominica four times...that's just bad planning.
Who/What We'll Miss: The US Men's team could have had guinea pigs, iguanas, armadillos and boas in local restaurants! Frownie face for the foodies :(

152: Doei, Suriname
Why They Lost: Despite two solid wins, Suriname allowed 11 goals and scored just 5, leaving a clear gap between themselves and the leading teams in their group.
Who/What We'll Miss: We'd say goalkeeper Ronny Aloema, but as the goal difference shows he missed enough things for all of us (Sorry, Ronny...that might have been mean...)

151: See ya, St Kitts & Nevis
Why They Lost: If any team needed to hear the Mortal Kombat "FINISH HIM", it was St. Kitts & Nevis, 1 win and 4 draws left them with just 7 points. Switching just two of those results to wins would have left them top of the table.
Who/What We'll Miss: Atiba Harris--stealthy winger and all-around MLS gun-for-hire.

150: Best wishes, Belize
Why They Lost: Belize lost when it mattered most, giving Guatemala an easy route to round 2 with 3-1 and 2-1 defeats
Who/What We'll Miss: The general blood feud between Belize (formerly British Honduras) and Honduras (formerly Regular Honduras)

149: Ayo, Curacao
Why They Lost: While they scored 15 times only just eked out a positive goal differential (playing USVI might have helped with that though)
Who/What We'll Miss: Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands knighting 9/10ths of the team...she knights pretty much everybody after all (heck, Sidney Ponson got knighted!)

I seek the futbol grail

148: Hasta la juego, Dominican Republic
Why They Lost: In all likelihood, the Dominican winter league probably had most players distracted.
Who/What We'll Miss: The Quisqueyanos have my favorite federation logo of this set of Happy Trails teams--I'm not sure why the ball is in some sort of chalice-type thing, but I like the classiness.

147: Hasta la bye bye, Puerto Rico
Why They Lost: It's very simple--if Ivan Rodriguez isn't blocking the plate or goal or whatever, Puerto Rico is not as strong as they could be.
Who/What We'll Miss: The opportunity to settle the whole Puerto Rican statehood issue by a game of football...not unlike the plot to the classic made for tv film FUTURESPORT!

146: Bye bye, Bermuda
Why They Lost: In the nip-tuck race to win Group B, Bermuda's draw to Guyana (on home turf) was the difference between finishing three points back and being on top of the group.
Who/What We'll Miss: As the last island left from that old Kokomo song, our last chance to sing chillaxed Beach Boys tunes is out the window.

145: Happy trails, Trinidad andTabago
Why They Lost: Honestly, your guess is as good as mine, T and T had a +7 goal differential, and a great start to their campaign. But the wheels came off the wagon in the final month dropping two matches to Bermuda and Guyana to open the door for Golden Jaguars to vault into the next round
Who/What We'll Miss: Stern John's swan song goes silent and the Soca Warriors last chance to relieve their glory days in Germany.

144: Au revoir, Haiti
Why They Lost: A mid-campaign swoon left Haiti needing two big results against Antigua & Barbuda to move on, while the 2-1 victory at home helped, losing 1-0 in St. John's left them one point short of the next round.
Who/What We'll Miss: Cheering on the rebuilding of Haitian pride through futbol would have made for a tremendous feel-good story, but with a scad of young talent coming into clubs in the US, UK and France, we won't miss Les Grenadires for long