Catching up on the Cups: Southeast Asian Cup

When you have a job it's easy to lose track of the fun things in life: like minor international soccer tournaments.
So, as we near the end of the actual Asian Cup we take a look backwards at the smaller, less prestigious, but far more fun Southeast Asian Cup, also known as the ASEAN Football Federation Cup, or the AFF Cup, or the Suzuki AFF Cup, because why not.

Everything's Coming Up Kiatsuk!!

ON: Kiatsuk Senamuang (Coach of Thailand)
The former War Elephants striker returned to the team as a youth level coach and after a great run of form (including gold medals in two youth tournaments) repeated the feat when his youth players graduated to the national team. He's the first person to win the Suzuki Cup as both a player and manager. So basically, he's golden until Thailand fails to qualify for the World Cup.
OFF: Clarity of fan/political allegiance in Thailand
As the proud owner of a Bangkok knockoff Thai National Team jersey, I have to say that I was swiftly pressured into identifying the color that noticed my political allegiance. Yellow for the monarchy, red for the reformers or blue for...well...farang tourists who didn't want to piss anyone off. But with their most recent trophy won in red and dedicated to the ailing king, it's hard to tell what anybody's rooting for in the Thai stands (other than victory/peace).

ON: Mohd Safiq Rahim

Gratuitous Malaysian Bowling plug

While Malaysia was unlucky again to be waylaid in their pursuit of futbol greatness. The country has a strong hunger for glory, but little to show for it. Their 2010 Suzuki Cup win was their first trophy in 21 years, and they've got just 5 points in the last 3 World Cup qualifying campaigns. But that's nothing to do with Safiq Rahim, who remains absolutley deadly from the penalty spot netting four of his Golden Boot winning 6 goals. And if that weren't enough, he's married to one of Malaysia's best known female bowlers Zandra Aziela. (Take that Nomar Garciaparra and Mia Hamm!)
OFF: Baby Face Laotian Keepers 
Living in a part of the world with a large Laotian diaspora, I keep hoping that Thim Xad will pick it up. But that's hard to do when they field a pair of goalies with 5 caps to their names. Perhaps Thailand built for their future by trying so many young talents out, but manager Dave Booth (of Grimsby Town fame) may actually have set back the process of Seng Athit Somvang (23) and  Soukthavy Soundala (19) after that duo yielded 12 goals in 3 matches. God speed to the newbies.


ON: The Street Rep of South Asian Fans
You name the hooligan-ish behavior and South Asian fans seemed to go in for it. Throw toilet paper at the ref: Check (thanks Singapore). Point lasers into opponents eyes: check (thanks Malaysia). Deliver death threats to opponents: check (thank you Thailand). And just beat mercilessly beating people up: check (thanks again Malaysia...though Malaysian press says thanks go to Vietnam...let's just agree you both acted poorly.)
OFF: The Socceroos
Technically Australia is part of the Southeast Asian Cup, but technically, Australia is much much better than everyone else in the sub-region. So! The Socceroos have chosen to participate only in the East Asian cup, with greater prestige, more money and greater challenge. But we know the truth, they just don't want to face the potential upset of so many consonants being dropped on confused readers of Aussie Newspapers

Catching up the Cups: Caribbean Cup

When you have a job it's easy to lose track of the fun things in life: like minor international soccer tournaments.

So, as the new year kicks off, it seems only right to recognize some of the other tournaments in the world during 2014. Starting out with Caribbean Cup from November
ON: Jamaica's Reggae Boyz
Though they entered the cup ranked lower than everyone but Curacao (and the unranked minnows of Martinique and French Guyana), Jamaica was an all around force on their home turf at Montego Bay. They utterly demolished their rivals in group B and held the stronger Trinidad and Tobago side at bay for 120 minutes, before winning the cup in a shoot out. While Leeds United's Rodolph Austin won the MVP for his midfield work, it's hard to under state the effect of Andre Blake. The MLS top draft pick and former Husky goalkeeper shut down all comers after a 29th minute goal in the first match. That's 316 minutes of shut-out soccer and a job well done.

OFF: Trinidad and Tobago's Soca Warriors
Even thought they weren't the host, the Soca Warriors were the favorite, ranked 21 spots higher than anyone else in the tournament (Antigua/Barbuda according to FIFA), and 64 spots better than their rivals in the finals. And still they lost. They haven't won a trophy since 2001, and haven't made a dent in non-Caribbean Cup tournaments since the trip to Germany in 2006. I'm not sure what it's going to take for T'n'T to get back on the rise, but it's something other than this.

ON: Haiti's Youth Movement:
Les Grenadiers have a horde of talented youngsters (all under 28) populating the midfield, with the strongest players venturing far and wide to find the best careers, including Sony Norde (25) with Mohun Bagan (a dominant squad in India), and Jeff Louis (22) with Standard Liege in Belgium. While they were a little flat against Jamaica, the future's bright for Haiti.
OFF: Cuba's Old Guard
Relations were normalized shortly after the cup finished, but for the sake of Cuban futbol, the Castro's may want to keep beat downs from us Yanquis at arm's length. Since winning the 2012 event (on a scant 5 goals in 5 matches), the Cuban philosophy seems to have been: keep everything exactly the same (hey, it's worked for the economy for the last sixty...oh wait...never mind). Despite a couple of shellackings that saw them bounced from world cup qualifying, los Leones del Caribe keep trotting out 40 year old Odelin Molina in goal, and the similarly 30+ Jaime and Yoel Colome. I'm going to make a heretical request Cuba, get something new.

ON: The Ultimate Underdog--French Guyana
We're fans of underdogs in Montana, and it's hard to find a bigger one than French Guyana. How low is French Guyana in the pecking order of FIFA, you ask? Nowhere. They aren't even a member. How well did they do? 5th place, good enough to get them a crack at the Gold Cup playoff against Honduras in March. And given that Honduras just came back from a World Cup that may seem like along shot, but remember, Honduras played terribly and has generally been awful while dealing with the whole drug-war thing. Here's hoping French Guyana gets in and pulls a shock or two this July.

Jack Warner's "What Me Worry"? Look

OFF: Caribbean Officials
FIFA and "scandal" have slowly become synonymous, but it should be noted that more or less everybody involved in the caribbean football union had to resign over the alleged bribes paid by Mohammed Bin-Hammam in his ill-fated attempt to oust Sepp Blatter. (Included in the list the FA heads for Trinidad and Tobago, Barbados, Jamaica, Guyana and the Bahamas, as part of 27 total warned, fined or reprimanded officials from 18 confederations). Does that have anything to do with the talented athletes? No...but I needed to mock someone, and my default position is to mock anyone linked to FIFA scandals.

3 On/3 Off: The Final

It's been an amazing World Cup, every bit the action packed thrill-ride that makes me want to follow it for four whole years. 


ON: Sergio Romero--The german attacks were far more accurate and dangerous than the guilt edge shanks that bounced off, but Romero saw them all off time and time again. He wasn't the biggest star or the most efficient keeper this tournament but he was the man Argentina needed most--and he delivered.
OFF: Gonzalo Higuain/Ezequiel Lavezzi--We named Lavezzi as our hipster star of the team before the tournament and Higuain has often been featured as a star attraction. They were utterly MIA in attack for Argentina this tournament, leaving Lionel Messi to create all on his lonesome--which he certainly did...but that's more demanding than it ought to be.

ON: Manuel Neuer--The German stopper has certainly solidified his position as the world's preeminent keeper. It's thrilling to watch those who are close to seizing the crown and becoming the next king of the mountain, but neither Romero, nor Navas, nor Ochoa, nor Howard, nor Enyema have been able to show the same skill on the biggest stage of all. Maybe they can. Maybe they will. But until then Neuer is the man.
OFF: Thomas Muller's Acting Skills--Runner-up to James Rodrigez in the Golden Boot, shut out from all the major trophy hand outs. Muller had a good tournament. But he is undoubtedly the new poster child for the ugly art of diving. From the first match to the last, anyone who touched him evoked Wagnerian levels of tragedy, somewhere a stern German or a million is sternly scolding him.

ON: Mario Goetze/Andre Schurrle--Die Mannschaft's substitutes weren't unstoppable by any means. They certainly looked underwhelming for most of the first over time. But when they had the chance they did not spoil it, with Schurrle sparkling on a cross and Goetze's goal a thing of beauty that left even Romero stumped. In the end their combination was the reason Germany won.
OFF: Rodrigo Palacio--While L'Albiceleste's final sub was every bit as underwhelming as Goetze and Schurrle for most of the match, he was worse in three clear ways: botching an easy ball over the top (a chance that neither Goetze nor Schurrle had the opportunity to miss), committing a foolish foul that created the final run, and finally having the ugliest hair of the whole tournament.

It was a superb tournament, tied for the most goals ever, featuring phenomenal individual and team performances. It was every bit the thrill ride we've come to hope for from the World Cup and we can't wait to do it all over again, starting with qualification next winter.

3 On/3 Off: The Semis

A pair of semi-finals as different as night and day, tea-party and hippy, or Lebron and anonymity. What did we learn?

ON: Ball movement--The Germans again showed their utter mastery of how to handle and move the ball. You might have noticed, it worked well.
OFF: Ball Watching--Singapore's Business Insider doesn't seem like a great futbol website, but their chronicle of just how Brazil collapsed is wonderfully detailed and telestrated. The primary culprit: ball watching, the dumbfounded, gobsmacked, ever uncertain Brazilian defense.

ON: Sergio Romero--It's a wonderful thing to see goalkeepers rise to the occasion when thrown against the ever exasperating penalty shoot out, and for all the clamor around Lionel Messi and his fellow shooters--Sergio Romero was perhaps the foremost savior of the club

OFF: Jasper Cillessen-- It's a terrible thing to see a goalkeeper take the blame when thrown against the ever exasperating penalty shootout. Worse still, for Jasper Cillessen, Holland had just won a Penalty Shoot out...but they did it without him between the posts. He did his job for 120 minutes, but got worked by the ruination of those gosh darn penalty kicks.

ON: Attacking-- Clearly Germany took the route to delight the fans, pounding and hammering a goal box until the flood of goals crushed their rivals and floated hopes of continued beautiful football.

OFF: Defensive Control--While Messi might be the star attraction on Sunday for nearly every dreamy-eyed kid in the world (outside of the Rhineland). The passive, delaying, defensive, wait-and-see, Lord-Messi-save-us Argentina style of play was infuriating. If he can invent, inspire and move it forward we would love to watch the final; if he and the team wait and see if they can make it through another penalty shootout it will be a sad end to a tremendous tournament.

What will we know after the finals? We'll see you on Sunday to find out.

3 On/3 Off: Quarter Finals

It's a sad but true statement: The World Cup is nearing the end of it's month long reign over the world. In one week the last four matches will have been played, and the champion will be crowned in the middle of the Maracana. Just who it will be and why they will win it has yet to be determined, but we can definitely appreciate the glory of the last four matches in the quarter finals, with another set of 3 On / 3Off

ON: Lionel Messi--The midfield maestro has slowed his goal scoring role, much to the delight of his fellow Argentine strikers. But let's not miss the message...every play runs through Messi, he controls the ball, he controls the distribution, he controls the build up, he IS the most important player who will walk out for the final four. And he is easily the best player left.
OFF: Neymar--Fractured vertabrae...I just...I mean, what the heck do you do with that? (I mean other than hit those who call soccer players "soft" upside the head?). It wasn't a rough play or a violent one, and it's no one's fault but clearly this is a blow to Neymar now, and may be a blow to him for months (and perhaps years to come)

ON: Louis Van Gaal--I'm very much of the mindset that "Coaching Geniuses" are anything but (witness my tireless mockery of Fabio Capello), but I've got to admit, van Gaal might just make me a believer. The last second swap of keepers JUST for penalty kicks takes a certain amount of brash self-belief, and willingness to be totally pilloried if it goes wrong...when it goes right that's cool, but just making the call is nice to see.
OFF: Marc Wilmots--Wilmots is undoubtedly a good manager, he's seen a little lowland nation rise up into a top 8 team, and a serious threat for continental supremacy. But he's awfully slow to make adjustments. 90 minutes of lackluster American play was redeemed by an unimaginative Red Devils squad. Argentina's regularly squandering of chances was excused by a Belgian inability to navigate an occasionally porous back line. A team that scraped through their group and into the quarter finals was good...but not nearly as good as we wanted them to be.

ON: Fine German Engineering--How do you solve the group of death? Precision passing and tireless work (even against a faster, more motivated, near miss Ghana) How do you beat the unflappable Algerians who wore down Korean and Russian squads that try to emulate you? Be even less flappable and wear them down. How do you unnerve the edgy attack of France? JUST BE GERMAN. It works.
OFF: Miroslav Klose--Lets take nothing away from Klose, the sniper of so many German attacks is still a threat anywhere within 30 yards of the goal, but his uninspiring performance against France confirmed that this is certainly the twilight of his career and that the Germans will be more likely to excel through teamwork and collaboration than 30 passes and one thunderous Klose smash.

3 On/3 Off: Round of 16

We've trimmed the field again, and gutting as it is to see the US go out again, there's some absolutely thrilling futbol to appreciate.

ON: Extra Time--5 Matches went to extra time and three ended there, all in thrilling fashion with glittering goals and tremendous excitement. When announcers say that these matches are "dripping with drama" they aren't just making things up.
OFF: Penalty Kicks--2 Matches did go to PKs (with Brazil and Costa Rica finally surviving), but neither one was terribly satisfying. It's a little like letting a home run derby decide a game that's gone 16 innings, or having a free throw shooting contest in lieu of a third overtime. We don't know how to end it but, we know there has to be something better than this.

ON: James Martinez--For whatever reason, I haven't been able to see every little bit of Colombia's play, but it's plainly obvious that he's in another class when it comes to the game of football. Brazil may well knock out the youthful Colombia from the world cup, but it's hard to imagine any player of any nation getting the better of Martinez.
OFF: Any Goalie With Minimal Job Security--Say you play goalkeeper for a strong team in the big leagues of the world. You probably feel pretty good about yourself, nice paycheck, minimal hours, must be nice. Sure you may let in the odd howler, but come on...it's not like there are a bunch of better options out there right? Maybe not...but maybe the tonnage of superlative performances in the last 16 should have you edgy: Kaylor Navas, Guillermo Ochoa, Vincent Enyema, (Montanan Hooligan BFF) Tim Howard...there's a plethora of strong keepers who showed up big time when their defenses are MIA, and maybe your management will keep you on and trust their money in defense...or maybe you should hit the practice fields.

ON: US Soccer Culture--20 years ago, I had to bug my dad endlessly until he turned to the US matches. Now I have to calm him down, and we're equally in agony as the games go on. 20 years ago, you'd be hard pressed to find another fan within 10 blocks. Now, we swarm all around the big screens in parks and bars and city squares. 20 years ago a draw was greeted with confusion, now it's greeted with fury at our specific failures. We've come so far, and are so excited, and while we may well move on from it for another four years--we'll all be back, riding a bandwagon maybe, but excited? Indubitably
OFF: Soccer Haters--I don't even know what to say to people like this anymore. There are still, somehow, stupefyingly, people (assuming blog trolls and radio announcers count as people) who poopoo and snidely snark on every aspect of the game. Someone wrote on a blog I whipped up for another website that he was upset yet another place had succumbed to the game. What do you say? "Sorry, we all like something you don't"?; "Sorry, you can't appreciate something that brings such joy to so many"?; "Have fun hanging out with your most prominent celebrity ally...Anne Coulter"?  "Shut the f*** up"? Hey...I like that one.

3 On/3 Off: Matches 30-32

We're through the second set of matches, and it's time again for a few key observations, and some revised predictions.

ON: Jurgen Klinsman "Miracle Worker"--Every move, every sub, every decision he seemed to make was golden. He can't clear the balls (Geoff Cameron) and he can't cut down the lanes on Ronaldo (Michael Bradley) but he has done a fantastic job strategizing the team in a position to win.
OFF: My Mother's Temper--I love my mom, but she has very little patience for passive, defensive, sock it in the back futbol. To her it's the "prevent defense" which prevents you from winning. That's what she blames the loss on, and it's easy to agree (Chris Kluwe went so far as to make that same joke on Twitter). You may know a lot about soccer Jurgen...but, this is America and in America there is one golden rule in soccer coaching: don't irk the moms.



ON: Eden Hazard--Even without scoring the goal himself, Hazard was instrumental in creating and crafting everything positive that came out of the Red Devils side today. The darkhorses haven't been as dominant as some might have predicted, but they're moving on thanks to Hazard.
OFF: Fabio Capello "Genius"--I have seen a fair number of Fabio Capello matches, and read even more that rave about his strategy...I have yet to see the two match up. Russia seems to move forward without any clear central idea and defend out of desperation rather than organization.

ON: Islam Slimani--Like Hazard for Belgium, or Messi for Argentina, Islam Slimani has been the integral part of every single converted attack and triumphant accomplishment for Les Fennecs. Of course, he plays a much lower profile part for Sporting Lisbon rather than amongst the legends of European futbol day in and day out...so Hipsters, you've found your man.
OFF: Jung Sungryong--The Korean keeper had a rough day to be sure, beyond getting blitzed by the oft derided Algerian attack, any stock that he might have seen rise in holding Russia is now utterly evaporated...it'll be back to relative anonymity between the posts for a K-League side soon enough.

Finally some revised predictions:
Before the cup I thought: Cameroon had a solid chance at a surprise berth.
Now? Few teams are as ugly all around as the Indomitable Lions who kicked off with a pay dispute and are set to wrap up their campaign in Brazil with a dispute as to who can play the worst.

Before the cup I thought: Spain would cruise to another finals.
Now? It's hard to see any team crash as hard and fast as La Furia Roja, but the absolute completeness of their debacle is absolutely astonishing. Are we sure nobody pulled an Invasion of the body snatchers on Vicente Del Bosque?

Before the cup I thought: I could make do without a tv.
Now? I've made it through these individual matches without, but as the games run simulcast starting tomorrow...there's danger ahead. (Note, I will be off to a work retreat from Monday evening through Thursday morning, but I will do everything in my power to keep up on the games...I do have daily posts queued up to summarize the multiple ways teams can and can't qualify, but I'm not sure these 3 On/3 Offs will keep up).

3 On/3 Off: Matches 27-29

It was a near perfect day of futbol. Thrilling matches that were extremely close throughout, open thrilling style, and the bright sunshine actually drew me out of my game watching hidy-hole and got me to socialize with other fans in the bright sun. So we'll sneak in an extra substitution, just for fun...

FIRST: ON--Nomad World Pub--I'm proud of my Montanan roots, and my Montanan-isms, and generally all things Montanan, but I'd be hard pressed to find a place like the Nomad World Pub with the live music from around the world, a vast array of domestic and imported beer, a willingness to experiment with different drinks, and a great venue to crowd around with all manner of fans. This is the kind of thing that we need to pull people in to the wonderful world of futbol. Thank you for being awesome Nomad, and thank you for supporting it Minnesota United...spread the word and bring in the people.

ON: Lionel Messi...Argentine Savior--For all the gushing about Argentina's attacking options, it's really been Messi or bust, today it took one of the great strikes of the tournament to get them past Iran and book their ticket for the second round. Let's just go ahead and own it next match Argentina, put ten guys in goal and let Messi do what he does up top.
OFF: Iran Jokes--It's a remarkable thing, but Iran seems to have become the darling of the World Cup, sure they don't do much attacking, and their style of defense is best described as "massive", but we love an underdog. So, getting my haircut, the barbers were intrigued by their style. Hanging out with other fans, even Argentine's were hoping to see a miracle strike groaning with each Goochenajad miss. So, come on Iran, give up your nuclear program and send one guy on loan to the MLS...we'll be your best buds...for a couple months at least.



ON--The Ayew Boys--Abedi Pele is not the Pele you've heard of, but he is the omnipresent legend of Ghanaian football. His sons, Andre and Jordan were tremendous for the Black Stars today in one of the most impressive results in the federation's history. Andre (aka Dede) nodded home the crucial equalizer that put Germany on the back foot, and Jordan's daring runs at the end of the match kept neutral fans entranced even as die hards worried about counterattacks.
OFF--The Boateng Boys--The run up to the match was concerned primarily with the second civil war of Jerome and Kevin-Prince Boateng. Unfortunately that was completely anti-climactic. Niether made good touches, there was little creation or strong passing from either and the game opened up and was far more exciting when they were subbed out at half time. Heck! Kevin even gave Mesut Ozil a better hug than his brother!


ON--Africa--It's been an underwhelming ten days for African sides, but today things turned around clearly and decisively, with Ghana stunning Germany and Nigeria holding off Bosnia. Vincent Enyema's gone so far as to position himself as keeper of the tournament. Whether or not they can get a team (or two...or--in an ideal circumstance--four) through to the next round remains to be seen, but they aren't nearly the pushover one would have thought
OFF--The Baltics--Bosnia had a decisive moment for Edin Dzeko wiped away by a linesman's bad call, but he also missed a parcel of other opportunities en route to the debutantes getting bounced out of the cup. They're not alone, the Croatians are clinging to life in Group A, and the Serbian referee of today's Argetnina-Iran match missed an obvious foul in the box that might have us singing a far different tune about Mr. Messi (or maybe not).

3 On/3 Off: Matches 24-26

Half-way home in the first round we've seen some surprising victories, more surprising losses and quite frankly stunning goals. But there can only be three substitutions made each match(day) so let's see who's coming on, and who's heading off.

ON: Jorge Luis Pinto--Costa Rica's coach has done a marvelous job of preparing Los Ticos to play against three of the legends of World Futbol with absolutely no fear. Three decades of coaching experience with minimal success on the world stage has all been wiped away with two thrilling matches and tremendous strategy. If you're an American, you know all about coaching darlings who take a Cinderella deep in the NCAA Tournament en route to a better job...Jorge Luis Pinto is their non-union Costa Rican equivalent.
OFF: Mario Balotelli's Love Life--The Italian striker who spends his down time collecting Panini stickers of himself, and making jokes about getting a smooch from Queen Elizabeth, seemed to have put much more preparation into those gags and not nearly as much into preparing an attack against Costa Rica. Sorry Mario, you and HRH will be a missed connection, yet again.

ON: Everything Karim Benzema Does--He's only on three goals, though he has a case for two more (the rebound off the Honduran keeper which should not be an own goal/the final whistle strike against Switzerland, since you shouldn't whistle dead a match on an attack). Even without the goals, he's been integral to making everything happen for France, the goals, the goals against, the celebrations, the crepes suzette.
OFF: Diego Benaglio--The Swiss Keeper's tepid, depressed showing was utterly exposed by France until his teammates boosted their goal differential by netting two late goals. Worse still, by getting compared constantly with Swiss Cheese, he risks single-handedly tanking the Swiss economy*.

*Note, I know that's not true...but hey, stereotypes are funny...

ON: The Other Valencia--Enner is his name and driving La Tri is his game. As Ecuador strides towards a showdown with France, their chances of a knockout round spot are in doubt, not in doubt is the media's fondness for the Ecuadorian striker who has hurdled to the top spot of teams' summer transfer must have list. A modest proposal: Valencia? He's got your name written all over him.
OFF: The Letter "H"--Honduras' nickname? "La H" A fact the Letter H can't be too happy about right now. For as many bad teams as there have been in the cup (Cameroon and Spain come to mind), Honduras is the only one that combines brutally thuggish defense, with unblinking use of handballs, with zero attacking inspiration. The longer they go, the more Sesame Street must be considering pulling the letter's cushy sponsorship deal.

The second weekend of action seems just as promising as the past week. I'll even be trying to go out and party with real live people (rather than just my pets--who appreciate the companionship but don't care much for the football).

3 On/3 Off: Matches Twenty-One through Twenty-Three

It's been a week since the cup opener, and we're rapidly approaching make or break time for a squadron of teams. How they fare will depend largely on how they are feeling heading into their final match. With that said, let's look at who's up and who's down after Thursday.

ON: James Rodriguez--For all the wailing and gnashing of teeth about the absence of Radamel Falcao, James Rodriguez has been more than equal to the challenge of representing Colombia and representing them well. Twice Man-of-the-Match, capable of besting one of Europe's top defenses, and flying over the legendary Didier Drogba for another, he's the Visa card of Colombia--every where they wanna be.
OFF: Wilfried Bony--We've been backing Bonny Mr. Bony since last August, believing that he's the future of Ivorian striking. Instead it's been the Gervinho show (though, clearly he's earned it). A Bony threat against the Greeks would go a long way to pushing the Elephants into an energetic, enthusiastic squad worthy of the last 16.

ON: Luis Suarez--The dominant force in Uruguay's great run of results in recent years was back with a vengeance not seen since Die Hard movies were thrilling and not silly. A couple great runs, a couple more lucky bounces, and always, always a cold blooded finishing strike. It lifts up all Liverpool during the winter, and it just crushed all of Liverpool (as well as Blackpool, Hartepool and Richard Branson's Mansion Pool) this afternoon.
OFF: My smile--Watching him steal a goal from Ghana was dastardly. Hearing him be hailed for it as "a gutsy team play" was stupid. Seeing him feted and hailed as a genius sets my teeth on edge. I don't like to root against people, so Mr. Suarez, while you are undoubtedly talented, I do not like you, not one little bit.

ON: Giorgios Karagounis--The first half substitute came on when Greece was at their lowest ebb. Down to 10 men, having lost top striker Konstantinos Mitroglou to injury, the old salt Karagounis came through with serious defense on Japan's top talent Keisuke Honda. With Honda limited to free kicks, the Greeks stayed in the match all the way to their bloodless draw.
OFF: Japanese Finishing--Seriously Japan? Seriously? The Greeks were down to 10 men. Their defense was exposed hither and yon by Colombia, and while you're not as impressive as they are to not get anything for an entire hour worth of chance after chance against a backup keeper...you can only miss so many golden chances before you and your lead footed finishing get exposed.

Mini celebrated her first right prediction today...namely that England would be full of stress but rejuvenated by a couple strong runs down the park. Of course, she didn't say that rejuvenation would lead to a win...so let's call it good. How she fares tomorrow with Switzerland and France set to square off for the marbles of Group E, we shall see.

3 On/3 Off: Matches Seventeen-Nineteen

We're starting to see teams drop off the map, getting ready for the inevitable Happy Trails post at the end of this round, the plus side is it makes recapping who is up and who is down a heckuva lot easier.

ON: Mario Mandzukic--Clearly the Bayern Munich man knew what he was doing, setting up one goal, scoring two more, and generally being the ultimate thorn in the side of Cameroon. Croatia's nowhere near their 1998 peak, but Mandzukic is rapidly inserting himself alongside Madrid's Modric as a man worth watching at all times.
OFF: Alex Song--Meanwhile Barca's buddy Alex Song has joined the ranks of infamy with his cousin Rigobert (red carded in two consecutive world cups) and Portugal's Pepe for some of the most boneheaded play on the world's biggest stage. Between a mock strike before the cup, a thanks-refs-for-making-it-closer-than-it-should-have-been game against Mexico and the disaster in Manaus, Song may just be the most convenient scape goat...but still...if it walks like a goat and bleats like a goat...

ON: Gary Medel--Sure we named him our Hip-Star of Chile's team and touted them to break through to the second round, and that may account for a lot of why we keep plugging him here, but, c'mon, be honest, the man was a maniac in the back against La Furia Roja, shutting down as much as captain/keeper Bravo and displaying the tenacity that has made him beloved in Cardiff.
OFF: Vicente Del Bosque--The mastermind of the past 3 Championships seems to be all out of brain cells. Nothing he tries works. Nothing he draws up comes true. No substitute provides a spark, and the team that had the whole world quaking in their boots has been exposed like a Bat Boy in the Weekly World News. Sorry Boss.

ON: Robben & Robin--If ever there was a Dutch superhero duo it might just be Robin^2. They've got style, they've got panache and they've got just the right touch to make opponents dread getting up in the morning. Of course, the history of World Cups is littered with teams who made two good showings...so, temper those hopes everyone.
OFF: Common Wisdom--Australia stinks. Really, really stinks. They'll be lucky to smell the goal. That's the sense that common wisdom had of the Socceroos before the cup began, and sure, they still don't have a point to their name, but if you had to face a team right now with all your lunch money on the line would you rather face Austrlia or Spain?...Yeah...me too.

3 On/3 Off: Matches Fifteen-Seventeen

Now that every team has played at least one match we have a much better sense of who's on target and who's off, so in addition to our daily update of major themes and observations we have some slightly revised predictions to start off the second set of matches

ON: Algeria's Defense--The name of the game for upset minded sides at this cup has been to frustrate the big boys with sterling defense and capitalize on lapses in judgement. It worked for Costa Rica, it worked for Iran, and it nearly worked for Algeria. Perhaps the word will get out in the next round (assuming World Cup managers regularly read one of the least popular blogs in the whole internet), but perhaps my predicted Algerian upset draw against Russia is still in the cards.
OFF: Belgium Haters--Should you be in the camp who first thought Belgium was dangerous and then scoffed that they were suddenly overhyped, you can chuck the self-righteousness and come back to the pack. Marc Wilmots made solid half-time adjustments and Eden Hazard and Kevin DeBruyne never faltered despite 75 aggravating minutes. Sorry Hipsters.

ON: Son Heung-Min--The Bundesliga Wunderkind was by far the most dangerous man in the Warriors' attack, even though he didn't notch the goal, if he can get some space and some kind of service in the box, Korea's one goal may well turn into more.
OFF: Igor Akinfeev--My supposed "star" for Russia looked anything but, bobbling, bumbling and finally ceding a goal to the howls and despair of fans from the desolate wastes of Siberia to the desolate wastes of Vladmir Putin's heart. The complex, shifting Russian defense looked solid and unnerving for Korea, but if Akinfeev can't find his form it won't matter.

ON: Guillermo Ochoa--Not to let rival American keeper Tim Howard keep all the glory for himself, Ochoa grabbed both the ball and his moment with both hands. Having withstood a lousy patch of weather and questionable refereeing and now everything Brazil can fire at them, reports of El Tri's death are greatly exaggerated.
OFF: Long Range Shots--Mexico made their best efforts from distance, continuing a trend that has permeated a ton of matches in the recent days. Players feel like they can control the Brazuca ball better than most other recent World Cup balls, and the pile of goals confirms their assessment. But for every rocket goal there's a solid thirty high, wide and not particularly handsome.

And as promised some revised predictions


Before the Cup: I thought Holland was cooked
Now? If they can handle Chile (and after utterly neutering Spain, they can...) They'll avoid Brazil and be in the catbird's seat for the second round.

Before the Cup: I was sold on this tournament as Lionel Messi's coronation as a champion (complete with Semifinal/Final berth).
Now? Utterly lack luster support from his running mates and a combination of on form Vincent Enyema, tactically wise Iran and motivated Bosnia means that they may just scuffle rather than sail into the second round...where Ecuador, Switzerland and France all looked better.

Before the Cup: I thought all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't help America survive
Now? Between the tenacious defending against the Ghanaian onslaught and the Portugese plug-ugliness, I'm actively working to tamp down my expectations...no promises though.

Our partners at MacKenzie LowBudget Sports will continue their coverage, as pet pundits shift from Sidney the Dog to Mini the Cat...will she forsee four consecutive hours of Cristiano Ronaldo licking himself? We shall see...

3 On/3 Off: Matches Twelve-Fourteen

America's fixation on two of the premier matches in the group stage made this a day to circle on the calendar But know that the day is past, it's worth reflecting on exactly how things panned out, both for the good and the bad.

ON: Thomas Muller--The first (official hat trick) of the cup came against an unlikely rival, but the German execution did what it has always been designed to do--destroy anything that gets in its way. Even one of the top 5 teams in the world.
OFF: Pepe--Stupidity, thy name is Pepe. Sure Muller's dive to the ground in supposed "eye-gouge" agony was frustrating, but harassing, intimidating and finally headbutting solves absolutely nothing If there's one consolation, it's that all the mockery of his moronic decision may push young players to never, under any circumstances imitate him.

ON: Carlos Quieroz--The Portugese mastermind had a clear cut strategy, distract and frustrate the Nigerian attack at every turn, stack players in the box until there's no way through and make the most of a little mistake. Holding on to that strategy in the face of the Super Eagles early gains served Team Melli very well. And while I think they could well have grabbed a win a little more focus in building out of the midfield, a point for a team widely critiqued as the worst in the field is awfully promising.
OFF: Stephen Keshi--The first African manager to take his home nation to a world cup (beating Ghana's James Appiah by 3 hours) did himself no favors by refusing to alter strategy in the face of quality defense. When attacking up the middle didn't work, he had defenders boom the ball...down the middle...and then do it again...and again...One of the ugliest performances of the cup so far, bodes ill for the next matches.

ON: Tim Howard--TIMMY! was the saving grace of a spotty American back field tonight. Every time the final four ceded an inch of space, a thunderous cross or shot was rocketing into the box. Time after time, Timbo saved the day. Sure Dede Ayew equalized (courtesy of a brilliant Gyan back heel), but most other keepers at the cup would have folded long before that moment. There are questions about the American defense...but not the man between the posts.
OFF: Ghana's Mojo--I've travelled to Ghana a couple times now. I take pride in speaking a local dialect, and know that my back up World Cup squad is most definitely the Black Stars. I also know that Ghana believes in a certain kind of swagger, a particular form of magic, and they use it to their advantage to never ever play intimidated in a match. It threw off the last two American squads who underestimated the rival...but it ran out today. Whether or not it comes back in time for Germany is a major question.

Tomorrow I go back to work with a day long teacher training. So Belgium/Algeria and Brazil/Mexico may not hit my radar. Sill and all, I'll be glad to catch up as soon as I can.

3 On/3 Off: Matches Nine-Eleven

It was a great way to spend father's day, a bowl of Cheeto's in one hand, a Sella Artois in the other and the sight of futbol, glorious futbol on the tele. Here's the big themes from a wonderful Sunday in the Park.

ON: Swiss Grit--Record setting as it was, the stoppage time goal was a great bit of luck for Switzerland, stealing a win from the jaws of defeat, and announcing that they will not be the poster child for stupid FIFA rankings everyone assumes they will.
OFF: Ecuadorian Defense--That final goal that has the internet raving, it was definitely a stroke of skill, but also a stroke of luck that Ecuador, on missing their chance looked so lackadaisical and foolish in challenges aimed to stop the attack, but not following through with the action to actually grab the draw. They'll need a result against France for any shot at the knockout rounds, and they can't defend like that (witness what happened to Honduras).



ON: Karim Benzema--The frenchman has a legitimate case to claim a hat trick (FIFA rules would suggest that the deflection off the keeper doesn't become an own goal since it rebounded off the post). He was THE Frenchman on the pitch, and looked every bit a world beater.
OFF: Wilson Palacios--Speaking of beater's, the Honduran midfielder seems to have some sort of axe to grind with Paul Pgoba. Hacking, grabbing and finally shoving him at every opportunity. Beyond looking ugly and unsportsmanlike, it leaves him out of the next match against Ecuador, and deprives Honduras of one of their best creators.

ON: Lionel Messi--The Atomic Flea made one of the most beautiful, gif-able, twitter-breaking able runs of this or any cup. Making opponents look foolish and striking a solid goal to seal the deal for Argentina
OFF: "Lionel Messi"--The idea that Messi can do it alone seems to have slipped into everyone's head, even Messi. No doubt, his great goal was the difference, but it was only the difference because Argentina luckily evaded Bosnian threat after threat. Every member of Albiceleste's attacking squadron seemed fixated on doing it themselves, the result--60 minutes of enervating, blase futbol that should have ended far worse than it did. Come on Leo, don't try to do it all yourself.

3 On/3 Off: Matches Five-Eight

Saturday was a wild and wonderful day of futbol, covering four matches across the mass of Brazil featuring past cup winners, favorites, dark horses, and supposed also rans. Rather than giving an On/Off award for each match, here were the big themes from the day.

ON: Young Defenders--Oscar Duarte and Pablo Armero each struck a marvelous goal, taking their relative inexperience and lack of mainstream exposure and tossing it out the window. Speed, pace and strength served them well, both in shutting down their opponent attacks and in adding a new dimension to their team's attack.
OFF: "Veteran" Defenders--For all the talk that you need a strong veteran presence in the back to ground your squad during the game's premier event, it sure didn't do much to help two of the most veteran lines in the Cup: Greece and Uruguay. The Greeks got picked apart, and the Uruguyans looked first creaky, and then increasingly cranky when they drew a raft of cards to make an even bigger hole than their two goal deficit.

ON: Myth Making of Legends--Running errands, and experiencing life with my wife, I did not let the matches consume my day. But ESPN certainly has their opinions about what happened: "Balotelli Beat England"; "Drogba Distracts Japan"; "Colombia Overcomes the Loss of Falcao" and "Suarez's Absence Leads to Shock Defeat". Basically, if you're a star, you're responsible for everything...good to know, eh?
OFF: Role Players Grabbing Headlines--As a result of the ma-star-bating media, anybody else looking for some credit can just keep right on looking...the attacks of Junior Diaz and Christian Gamboa for Costa Rica...nothing; Claudio Marchiso's first goal for the Azurri...nothing; the Ivorians youthful combo of Wilfried Bony and Gervinho...nothing. Well, that's what we're for I guess.

ON: Loving Futbol--People who actually watched the matches are obviously fans first and critics second, but it was amazing to see the burst of pure love on Twitter for the game: Joel Campbell is suddenly everyone's must have transfer target, Daniel Sturridge has runs that are something out of a smart phone game, we're all watching and ranting and cheering together. That's what we love.
OFF: Hating Referees--After a pretty bad first pair of matches, the referee bashing has (thankfully) taken a back seat to the players, plays, events and actions. The more invisible the men with the whistles get, the better for all of us.

It's Father's Day so stay tuned for a special post on how my father learned to love the game alongside his sons. And also--you know--watch the big matches of the day: Switzerland/Ecuador, France/Honduras, and a great capstone: Argentina/Bosnia. 

3 On/3 Off: Matches Two-Four

Day two of the World Cup saw more highs through beautifully headed goals, and more lows through dubious officiating. We sum it all up in our "3 On/3 Off" Post


ON: Miguel Herrera--We don't know if Miguel Herrera has a twitter account, we don't know if he cares what the world thinks of him (running Mexico and benching Chicharito...probably not). But the man seemed to have every soccer fan on the planet giddy today, as he endured rain and poor refereeing to be a regular source of amusement in an otherwise blase game.
OFF: Wilmer Roldan and Colombian Referees
Not watching the game, I couldn't say for certain, but judging by Twitter's near incessant explosions and vows of violence against them, I would wager that the game was not judged well...bad news for zebras, whistle blowers and FIFA employees everywhere.

ON: Robin Van Persie--the magical strike before half time swung the game's momentum radically and permanently, and Van Persie's moment of glory will likely have repurcussions far beyond a delighted home crowd and obsessive twittersphere.

OFF: Iker Casillas--He came into the match looking to break a World Cup record for most minutes without allowing a goal. He left a broken shell of what he once was...and that's not me being hyperbolic, he really looked utterly lost and woebegone, like the whole backbone of Spanish soccer crumbled into dust in 50 minutes.

ON: Tim Cahill's Legs--Aged though he is, Tim Cahill still has some ups, and he used them to great effect, pulling Australia single handedly back into their game. The Socceroos may be the most overmatched team in the Cup, but Cahill won't let them go down without a fight
OFF: Chile's Beat-Around the Bush Offense--Sure La Roja won, but their dominance in attacking should have yielded a score much closer to Holland's +4 than their paltry +2. The blame for that lies less on Australia's defense (which often looked shaky), and more on Chile's tepid attack, which relied on playing back for set up after set up that went no where.

Today's is overloaded with goodness, kicking off with Colombia/Greece, then Uruguay/Costa Rica, the big show: England/Italy, and wrapping up with Ivory Coast/Japan

Match One: Three On/Three Off

Now that the matches are on like Donkey Kong, we want to keep our analyses and dumb jokes fresh. So every day we'll post a recap of the days events highlighting the positives and negatives on and off the pitch.

He's got the model pout on

On: Neymar-- it's only been one match, but Neymar (the emo haired it boy of Brazilian futbol) was every bit as good as advertised. Darting, dribbling and (yes occasionally) diving. His brace was undeniably earned.

Off: Hulk--I was so amazed at the bulky striker's physique last summer that I was predisposed to see him as a superhuman. Another big match and another poor showing (perpetually a step behind the passes from Neymar, zero creativity on the left side), and I'm ready to shout Avenger's Assemble just to free up a starting spot for someone else.

50% Grabby/50% Flailing

On: Tenacious Croats--I was fairly down on Croatia's chances--I think the travel schedule and the shell shock of a strong Brazilian squad in the first match was going to set them into a tailspin. Their game fighting spirit throughout the match proved me wrong and should serve them well--provided the Fred Flop doesn't psych them out.

Off: Finishing Croats--For all the whining about the now infamous "Fred Flop" Croatia had next to nothing going on offense for most of the game. One good cross turned into an own goal, and other than that they only put pressure on Julio Caesar in the last 20 minutes of the match. Srna and Lovren can stymie a lot of rivals, but they can't stop Samuel Eto'o AND run down the field to hit the winner.

On: British Pound--Clearly Premier League bosses are going in whole hog this transfer window--Rui Costa and Fabergas heading to Chelsea and mutterings that Arsne Wegner is ogling Mario Balotelli like a Bunga Bunga Buddy. The top tier of British squads must want to dethrone La Liga and the Bundesliga pretty badly.

Off: American conspiracy theorizing--I was at first warmed by the knowledge that a local sports talk station devoted a  solid 5 minutes to the opening match on my evening commute, but less heartened when I realized that most of it was being spent on blaming the Japanese official for a bad penalty call. To be sure, it wasn't great, but it was clear throughout the match that anything above the shoulders was getting called (and often carded)--for Lovren to put his hands on Fred's shoulders was risky enough, Fred's acting sealed the deal--but come on American's it's not the Zapruter film, it's the soccer equivalent of framing a curve ball on an ump's generous outside corner.

TODAY: Matches 2-4 Mexico/Cameroon; Spain/Netherlands; Chile/Australia

PSYCHIC PSIDNEY: Check my dog's predictions at mackenzielowbudgetsports.tumblr.com; he's 1 for 1 so far.