In honor--or plagiary--of March Madness, we return to our Meet the Team Series with a look at 4 European teams, and how they bear a striking similarity to the four principle teams in the Men's College Baskteball tournament: BEHOLD THE GLORY OF ANOTHER CHART!!
| | Italy | Portugal | Greece | Switzerland |
| March Madness Archetype | Prestige Program | Choke Artist | Mid-Major cinderella Story | Speed Bump |
| If you cheer for them you may also like cheering for: | | |||
| Nickname | The “Azzurri” | Seleccao del Quinas (The Five Shields) | None (Taken away by EU in exchange for loan) | Schwizer Nati |
| Star Player | Fabio Cannavaro | Cristiano Ronaldo | Theofanis Gekas | Alexander Frei |
| Random player with a name that’s fun to say | Gianluigi Buffon (Sounds like “Buffoon”) | Da Silva Muniz Liedson (Three last names, no firsts) | Socratis Papaststhopolus | Blaise N’Kufo |
| Tearjerking story to be told in sepia tones | Triumphant story of 23 men who somehow are less attractive to women than Silvio Burlusconi | Triumphant story of a group of men who learn not to fall over at the first bit of contact | Triumphant story of a plucky group of men who help Greece forget about their crippling financial woes | Triumphant story of a group of chocolatiers who play a little sport on the side. |
| Best Possible Result | Yet another title....yawn | This year is OUR year | Soul stirring semi-final spot | “A pretty girl saw me and smiled!!!!” |
| Worst possible result | Inexplicable defeat...tar & feather at home | Another disappointment...yawn | Smug satisfaction for “experts” | Get lost on the way to the field |
| Most likely highlight reel appearance | Holding a big shiny trophy--like....this one! | Looking on in disbelief | Silly celebration | Running feebly after a star player |
| Likelihood that the coach cries after a championship | 0 | 4 | 8 | -6 (Victory may cause death, make crying impossible) |
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