Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Random Thoughts on a Day of Random Friendlies

Turn on the tv and discover that, hey! The US is playing a friendly in Bosnia! What better time than this to write down a bunch of random thoughts about Soccer!! I can't promise they'll be brilliant or necessarily accurate...but they will be random.

*Every time I microwave a meal and walk away from a sporting event the opponent scores. These pork tacos better be tasty to make up for Bosnia's lead.

*They are.

*I never get fired up about Balkan state soccer...don't know why, maybe the consonants are intimidating.

*Another goal gets us to half-time...I'm guessing there's a Archduke Ferdinand joke on our horizon

*Thanks for proving me right Bob Ley.

*I'll always picture Alexei Lalas with a beehive on his chin.

*Is Mexico becoming the Guns 'n' Roses of North American Soccer? Filling arenas based totally on name recognition rather than any kind of talent?

*I feel like I should say something about Germany Paraguay, but all that comes to mind is: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

*I'd pay a large amount of money for an audio recording of Mario Balotelli and Pope Francis.

*Wonder if Pope Francis is mocking the cardinals because Argentina's winning.

*Seriously, we don't get to see Scotland's goal? STOP HIBERNIAN OPPRESSION!!

*Second half starts in the Snoozefest in Sarejevo! (Is what I would say if Don King promoted soccer matches)

*Isn't it sweet that Jozy Altidore shares the love with Eddie Johnson...well...sweet and dangerous for reproductive health.

*Dang, Altidore took Lalas' snark to heart, maybe we shall doubt him a little more...

*Oh c'mon Bosnia, you're a hardened, grizzly, Balkan don't need to flop about like a bankrupt Mediterranean nation.

*$#!T Altidore's an f'ing beast!! (These are the things that are said now, because Soccer's not mainstream)

*HOLY MOTHER!! A hat-trick?!? A hat-trick?!?! I feel increasingly like we need to genuflect to this man...oh wait...we should try the Lalas approach. "A hat trick and assist has to be expected for anyone who calls themselves a real man..."

*Maybe Bosnia's only mostly dead...after all, they are 13th in the world...unlucky 13th...

*Alright, I admit that this might be a gross overreaction to just one match. But if we can beat Bosnia IN Bosnia, we can beat Bosnia (and others) in Brazil...this would be heightened expectations.

*Suarez and Forlan have a bromace that makes Altidore and Johnson look like cruel rivals

*My high hopes for Japan are being dashed with each match (but my love of Keisuke Honda isn't.

*Chile toyed with Iraq in the box like an 8 year old plays with Tonka trucks

There you have it, I promised random thoughts and I delivered.

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