WIBD CONCAF Round 1: Anguilla

In keeping with my fondness for righteous underdogs, it's time to consider the wee minnows in our own backyard.  Or in this case, the dolphins in our own backyard


While the US has only a slight chance of hoisting the World Cup, their odds are decidedly better than their neighbors in the North American Federation, I mean, we're not Haiti, or Suriname, or Canada, and we are most certainly not the lowest seeded squad in the contest: Anguilla.

The Three Dolphins (who might be smarter than the Three Lions of England, but are also less likely to win a bar fight) are ranked 208th in the World after going almost three years without a match (a 1-0 loss to the British Virgin Islands). But recent form suggests they might have a better future ahead, after taking two matches against those self same British Virgins (Note: There's got to be a better demonym than that...oh Virgin Islanders of a British persuasion...that's better) in the last month as a tune up for their qualifier against Nicaragua.

Still, this is the World Cup, and Anguilla's never won a qualifying match. They haven't scored a goal against CONCAF opponents in a meaningful game like this since 2002, and have been dusted by rivals by a total of 28-0 in their last six matches. Their highest honor lately was making my list of 11 cool looking federation badges.

Girdon Connor (#2, Left)

Normally statistics like that don't matter, I mean, squads turn over, especially in a decade worth of matches...but...well...this is still Anguilla, and they're still a nation sparsely populated by footballers, so much so that 36 year old Girdon Connor (who has been on the squad since 2004) is still their top performer.

Facing all this, coach Ryszard Orlowski (a Polish refugee living in Pennsylvania who helped coach Nepal before taking over Anguilla) remains optimistic.  "We’ve won...games now and winning is contagious. Play our football and we will succeed.” Orlowski may have a point--after all, while Nicaragua has a squad filled with professionals, and consistent access to international competitions, so did Sri Lanka*.

Win or Lose, the Dolphins will keep playing, keep working, keep improving, and keep living in Anguilla. That's a pretty excellent way to live your life, all things considered.


*Note: "So did Sri Lanka" may become the rallying cry of every minnow in the wake of Bhutan's stunning upset...so...I may call "Trademark" on that.

Well I'll Be Damned! 2018 Kickoff

We're two short weeks away from the kickoff of World Cup 2018 Qualifying, and as such, it's time to reignite one of my favorite features to write during World Cup Qualification "Well I'll Be Damned" (WIBD) for short.

WIBD is a quick way to give some press to the least known and most easily forgotten teams in qualification, the squads for whom winning a match would be a high point in their national history, for whom qualifying for the finals is the stuff of intense day dreams, and for whom actually winning the cup would signify certifiable delusions.

Since the Road to Russia/Miles to Moscow/Long Haul to Luzhnki starts in Asia, that's where our WIBD profiles will start too, with the lowest ranked team in the whole cup: Bhutan

The Druk 11, as they're known in Bhutan, have a pretty paltry history in international soccer events. The 2018 tournament will mark their first foray into the World Cup. They haven't played a game at all in the last 18 months (a 5-2 loss to Sri Lanka in September 2013). And now they're set to face those same Lankan Lions in their first ever qualifying matches.

Given the absurd altitude in the land of the Thunder Dragon, the national squad might be able to develop some tremendous endurance. But given the lack of financial opportunities for football players in Bhutan (the game is often given up by kids once they discover more exciting/profitable things...like math), players tend to have a hard time developing the skill sets to keep up with their other AFC counterparts.

Ranked 209th in the world and with an historical goal differential of -185, the odds are most definitely stacked against Bhutan. They've never drawn so much as a point against Sri Lanka, and in 15 matches against them they have scored exactly twice.

Still I'm optimistic. Maybe it's the fact that anything can happen. Maybe it's the fact that Changlimithang Stadium is at 7,600 feet above sea level 1500 feet below the insurmountable Quito in Ecuador. Maybe it's the fact that I taught the former son of the Bhutanese FA and am still hoping I can get a national team jersey. But come on, let's face facts. Bhutan is a rising power, ten years after beatin gMonserrat they could easily beat the world.

CAF WIBD: Crocodile Tears

It's been a little while since our last journey down the "Well-I'll-be-darned" street, and while we will be wrapping up most of the qualifying in the next six months, there's still a chance to root for those tiniest of minnows.

We continue our tour of lesser known teams battling for a shot at Brazil 2014 in Africa, by taking a trip  to the tiny state of Lesotho, surrounded by South Africa, crouched in the bottom of their second round group, but still granted an opportunity that other countries don't have: to play the game with the world on the line. (So take that Bhutan and Vanuatu!)

I like her hat better...
Photo: Catholicforum.com

Lesotho (aka "The Crocodiles") started their campaign ranked #185 in the world (August 2011) presumably because the Will & Kate royal wedding had finally eradicated glow of King Lesthi III's royal wedding a decade before.  Yet the Crocodiles rolled on to round two by beating Burundi.

As a reward for their positive showing in the first round of qualifying Lesotho got lumped with a couple tough opponents for round 2, including Ghana (fresh from their shoulda-been-semis performance in South Africa), Zambia (hungry to prove themselves and gearing up for what would be their first African Cup of Nations title this winter) and Sudan (I wouldn't want to mess with Omar al-Basheer, would you?).

Sure enough they got thumped in the opener 7-0 by the Black Stars tying their national federation's record for worst. loss. ever.

Goal scorer Letsipe Marabe
(Courtesy www.mtnfootball.com)

Since then Basotho fans have been able to cheer their boys in blue & green much more. At home in Maseru they've drawn twice and even notched a much needed goal which lifted them past Sudan into third place.

Still, it might be early to ring the victory bells (or rather, since this is Lesotho the setelo-tolo/jaw harp), there's a long way to go. This is unchartered water for the crocodiles and if young gun Letsipe Marabe is the only guy to get a goal, there's not a whole lot of veteran leadership who can keep the young squad steady if Ghana runs up the score again (hint...they probably will...).

Still, as long as there is a blog like this there will be foolish hopefulness for the underdog. If the Crocodiles can get wins in their next/last three matches (two of which are away from home) they can shockingly, miraculously, eliminate both the continent's champion and their best performer from the past two world cups.

Impossible you say?!? Yeah, probably...but where's the fun in admitting defeat?

UEFA WIBD: If you're going to San Ma-rino...

It will be a rare day in the land of FIFA World Cup qualifiers when this Wednesday we see only 6 games on the docket. But, this kind of scheduling quirk is actually ideal for our now fairly regularly installments in the series chronicling the trials and tribulations of underdog teams.

"So...Europe?"

If you can't tell, I don't really look at Europe and see underdogs. Europe's where the power in FIFA lies (and will lie whenever old white man Sepp Blatter decides to cede power to slightly-less-old-white-man Michel Platini). Europe's where the biggest leagues are. Europe's where the biggest stars play their club football. Europe's won the last two world cups (with closest rival Brazil looking absolutely bored with trying to keep up). In Europe the question is not whether or not they should host the world cup, but WHO among them should host it.

But all that power is not equally spread among all European nations. Sure England, France, Holland and their fellow continental powers dominate practically every single award category and conversation about the sport, but those countries have to go through the qualifying process like anybody else. Two poor results and suddenly those Goliaths might go reeling. After all England, france and Holland have each missed a cup in the past two decades--so there's a chance (however mind-bogglingly miniscule) that a non-power could slip in via some choice upsets.

So, in that spirit, we're rooting for an avalanche of upsets to tilt the tables in favor of the tiny nation known as San Marino. Though the Sammarinese might boast of their millenium old sovereigncy or 400-year-old constitution, they have little to boast of on the pitch thanks to a record of 1 Win, 4 Draws, 119 losses.

Hint, Palazzi is the one not getting the ball...

To be fair, with only 32,000 people within its boundaries San Marino has fewer people than Butte, Montana; so perhaps if San Marino and Butte joined forces the team could be twice as good (and totally prepped for playing at high altitudes).


But more likely, the team known as La Serenissima ("The Serene") will be content to draw from their own local pool of semi-pro players in an effort to catch lightning in a bottle and inspire a new wave of talent. The team does boast two players in (the lowest rungs of) Italian football in 25 year old Defender Mirko Palazzi, and 23 year-old Forward Allesandro Bianchi.

While the team has (unsurprisingly) yet to score a goal in 3 qualifiers while (again, unsurprisingly) allowing 13, they can take solace in the fact that they are only 2 points behind Ukraine and still technically alive for the World Cup. And sure that road to Brazil will require several big wins to erase their goal deficit and perhaps a nuclear disaster that wipes England off the map, but maybe, just maybe this can become reality.

Dream on San Marino, Dream on.

OFC WIBD Solomon Islands

It's time for another edition of my occasionally recurring series, honoring the minnow to watch in the next round of qualifying...even if the qualifying has already started and I'm actually way behind in making these posts.

This time around, we're honoring the Solomon Islands the "Well I'll Be Darned" candidate from Oceania's OFC. That oft overlooked corner of the FIFA globe that consists of New Zealand and....everybody else.

And yet, everybody else has done alright of late. Heck, Tahiti managed to win the regional cup this summer to book their spot at the Confederations Cup next year in Brazil (where they will face Spain, Brazil and a host of other countries poised to beat them up and take their lunch money). So what does it take to come out of a pack of disrespected, underanalyzed nations as the most disrespected and the least analyzed?

Fear the Fish

Well consider that in all recent FIFA rankings the Bonitos have ranked fourth out of the four remaining OFC candidates, and that when the final round began they were 174th in the world, behind already eliminated Vanuatu, Samoa and Tonga.


But there's hope afoot for the team named after predatory tuna*! (*Yes there's a predatory tuna, so remember that the next time you open a can of cheap fish-type substance, you may be eating a ravenous beast!) With three points in the bag, and three matches left (starting tomorrow at New Caldonia). The Solomon Islands can still make a come back. First they need to win against New Cali, a team in only its third world cup campaign. Then they take on bottom feeding Tahiti (still basking in the glow of their imminent destruction in Brazil next summer). Wins in both of those matches could set up an all important final fight against the Kiwis IN the Solomons.

The one and only
Henry Fa'arodo
(footballzz.com)

Sure, the local press has relegated the national team to the back pages of the sports section. (The futsal team gets all the coverage...stupid futsal.) But that doesn't mean that the Solomon's don't have a shot, it just means that it will be even more surprising when they triumph!

What's more, with the well-capped and beautifully coiffed Henry Fa'arodo in midfield, the island nation's attack has plenty of promise whenever it heads down the pitch. And while Fa'arodo may be in the twilight of his international career he has certainly paved the way for a new generation to continue the Solomon's slow rise to regional prominence. Fa'arodo may still be the only Solomonder to make it to Australia's A-League, but others like Benjamin Totori and Nelson Kilifa have joined him overseas, or rather, over a sea. And with 20-year-old striker Gagame Feni starting his career in New Zealand, the next level may well be just around the corner for all of the Solomons.

We'll have to wait and see if the next level comes to them even sooner in the World Cup.

CONCACAF WIBD (Rd. 3) Guyana

Continuing on with our series of underdogs and unlikely qualifiers in need of a little love and support, we look into our own North American backyard in search of a team with grit, gumption, guts and other things that start with G (gorillas, gogo dancers, gefilte fish?).In that spirit we offer our Well-I'll-Be-Darned, Minnow to Watch: Guyana.

WEAR YELLOW!! (Guyana Times International)

Though Cuba is the lowest ranked team remaining they were given free passage to this round of the competition (the Castro's know that cigars are the secret to every international organization's heart), and though Antigua and Barbuda have shared the distinction of being a bottom-ranked local team, the Golden Jaguars have been consistently lower ranked than the others and had to struggle through a group including former World Cup darlings: Trinidad &Tobago's Soca Warriors.

Strangely, press on the Golden Jaguars is somewhere between scant and nonexistent. Local press blocks their websites so I have no idea what they think of the squad, but I do know what a British tv show thought of them back in 2010.


In case you don't want to watch...it's not good. Losing to a regional British semi-pro team isn't promising, and though Guyana does boast some talented relatives in world football, including Dewayne DeRosario of Canada, but none of those top players opt for Guyanese kits. The most decorated player is actually 32 year old defender Leon Cort of Charlton (in England's top minor league). Mr. Cort has 4 whole caps.

And yet! Here's Guyana. One round away from the final stage of CONCACAF competition. Heck they practically dominated their last round of competition, clinching a berth in the next round with a stellar victory against Trinidad and Tobago at home (over to you local sports reporter)



Thanks local sports reporter! Now sure, Guyana's been dealt a tough hand having been slammed hard in their first games against Costa Rica and Mexico. And yes, they haven't gotten a point from a game since May 4th (against titans Guadeloupe), and they haven't scored a goal in FIFA matches since since last November (and the above shown game against T&T) but they do have one of the coolest named coaches in all of football: Jamaal Shabaaz.

Coach Shabaaz will be sure to do what he can with a team led by North American Soccer League up and comer Nick Millington, and the aforementioned veteran Leon Cort. Whether or not it's enough, they've bucked the odds by getting here in the first place. And for that we salute them!

AFC WIBD Round 4: Stand Still and Conquer

We're back to the "Well-I'll-Be-Darned" awards, recognizing unlikely teams who still have a shot at qualifying for the World Cup Finals in Brazil.


We'll start with the team closest to qualification...the mighty Cedars of Lebanon the first team to ever win a regional WIBD Award two rounds running!

Yes, Lebanon moved on despite being the lowest ranked qualifier for the AFC's 3rd Round. This was a team that wasn't supposed to beat Bangladesh in Round 2. But they topped the Tigers and moved on to face the UAE, Kuwait and South Korea. None of whom they'd beaten in a World Cup competition over the last 20 years earning our praise in the process.

As many predicted, Lebanon suffered an early smack down at the hands of South Korea. But then beat the UAE at home, drew with Kuwait, beat Kuwait IN Kuwait City and pulled the biggest stunner of all: topping Asian giant South Korea 2-1 in Beirut to move on to the next round of the competition.

Despite my laziness and lackadaisical/nonexistent posting, Lebanon has continued on in the competition battling Korea (again), rising power Uzbekistan, fading power Iran, and embattled future cup hosts Qatar.

An early loss in Beirut to Qatar put the Trees on the ropes, and while they salvaged a point against the Uzbeks, another loss in South Korea have left them in dire need of as many points as possible, as quickly as possible.

Still, we remain optimistic that Lebanon can do just that. Start with the fact that the rest of the world has started to take notice. The UN used the symbol of a football team bringing unity to a war torn country as the basis for a unifying tv show. Even the BBC covered their rise to prominence. The Australian Socceroo's are a little worried ahead of an upcoming friendly match, and while Captain Roda Antar will be unavailable due to injury, the rest of the first squad should be available for the critical upcoming matches at home against Iran and in Qatar.

NOT Coach Bucker

Coach Theo Bucker (not revenge of the Nerds star: Booger) remains a focal point for the team. The players love him, even if the fans are dubious of his goalie choices, preferring local veteran Ziad Al-Samad, to Swedish based 23 year old novice Abbas Hassan. A summer time struggle to qualify for the regional Arab Cup increased the pressure on Bucker.

Still Bucker's got a vision to make the Cedars not just a success this year, but a constant presence in Asia's upper echelon, by mirroring the Japanese model of developing great local coaches and ensuring long term growth.

Nader Matar, a stylish young man
in need of a nickname

That effort will likely be helped by the rise of young international talents from the Lebanese diaspora. In addition to Hassan playing in Sweden other young talents like 22 year old Ahmad Zreik (in Greece) and Nader Matar (in Spain) promise to serve up balls to the prodigious young talent Hasaan Matoouk. {But seriously guys we need to come up with some nicknames, how about Nader "To"Matar? Huh? A little vegetable punning?)

It's been great to have a team not just to cheer for but to cheer for as they actually excel! We Montanan Soccer Hooligans will continue to rally as much support as we can for Lebanon. Fight on you mighty Cedars! Stand still and conquer!

CONMEBOL'S WIBD: Crushed into Bolivian!

If you haven't noticed while reading this blog, we are not overly concerned with the legends and the superstars. Lionel Messi gets enough attention when he heads for the gents' lavatory, he doesn't really need more from our minor sphere of the blogoverse. Blood, sweat, tears and ink is spilled by the gallon over the Three Lions, why not take a break by looking into the little glimpsed underdogs of our World Cup?

In that spirit we turn our attention to CONMEBOL, the South American confederation, and it's nascent qualifying campaign. Unlike most other competitions, to march into the game's grandest stage, South American squads have only one round. Play all the other teams in your continent, play them again, top four records go to the Cup (for more details and South American sass, click the Conmebol link at the top of the page, or here).

The open-ended style of the qualification means that the strongest teams rise to the top and shocking upsets have relatively little effect on the overall results. Over 16 matches even the best teams will lose a few and worst teams will win a couple...but what if there was a stunning turn of affairs? What if someone could pull off a stunning, unpredictable, rags-to-riches meteoric triumph?

That would be awesome. Of course, given the strength of South American teams, it would also be pretty hard to fathom. There aren't many scrappy underdog squads...except, of course, for Bolivia.

Marcelo Martins is #1-#100
in Bolivian hearts

Bolivia, the land that futbol forgot. While every other team in South America has several players in premier European leagues (Italy, Spain or England), Bolivia's top player, Marcelo Martins, is freezing his butt off in the Ukraine. It's a little hard to keep up with the Joneses and the Escobarses when you only play against them during World Cup Qualifier Whoopings.

Sure they've made three World Cups and reached #18 in the world less than 15 years ago...but right now (after tanking their first two matches) they are ranked last in South America and #115 in the world. If Bolivia could somehow, someway, beat four other teams in their continental zone it would be like the President of your High School AV Club winning the girl over the Beatles at the height of their power.

This logo goes great with white wine

Heck, Bolivia's federation logo is a chicken holding a ball...other teams have the good sense to limit themselves to their national flag colors. Bolivia must root for a bird that looks desperate for a beheading...

With all of that going against them, it's painfully clear. WE MUST CHEER FOR BOLIVIA!! To hell with the big guns and the dominant squads and the powerful players, let's go Chickens, let's go under-appreciated whelps, let's go BOLIVIA!!

AFC's WIBD #2 (GO TREES!)

Yes, it's an eco-friendly version of the "Well, I'll Be Damned!"Minnow of the Round award as we recognize the most adorable of Asian underdogs: Lebanon.

Setting aside the unlikely ascent of Tajikistan (who lost two matches, then got into the next round anyway by virtue of Syria getting disqualified), Lebanon is easily the most rank outsider in the third round of Asian qualifying ranking in the bottom half of Asian teams. They are 21 spots below Bangladesh, even after a 4-0 drubbing of the Bengal Tigers in Beruit (Hey, even in soccer the Bengals can't win!)

Despite that big win (recapped in English here), there hasn't been much to

celebrate of late. First Lebanon slipped into the next round despite losing 2-0 in Bangladesh. Then they bid farewell to the coach who led them this far (Emile Rustom) and brought back old coach Theo Bucker (Booker? Booger?). Add to this the whole Lebanon/Hezbollah/Arab Spring/general unrest thing and you have a place that's not exactly conducive to sporting glory. (To be clear though, I have to give credit to Lebanon writer Kenny Laurie who wrote a scathing smackdown of Sepp Blatter)

If the Cedars are going to have any chance against the slightly more intimidating force of South Korea's Taegeuk Warriors and the White & Blue of the UAE and Kuwait, they'll need the very best of 23-year-old star-in-the-making Hassan Maatouk (he of the Futsaal fame, pictured at left). It probably wouldn't hurt to get returns from Roda Antar and Youssef Mohamed (two Lebanese stars who have built careers overseas), and hey, while we're at it maybe punch Srecko Katanec in the face (he who claimed the UAE would quote: "have no problem with Lebanon")...clearly Mr. Katanec does not know much about Lebanon.

All in all we here at the Montanan Hooligans' World Cup Center want to go green as we cast our vote for best underdog in Asia. So here's to you Lebanon and your Mighty Cedars! Go forth and conquer...oh wait, you're trees...well, just stand still and conquer!

CONCACAF's Minnow to Watch (Round 2)

We're a week away from the next World Cup Qualifier Match Day with action brewing in North America and Asia. Before those matches kick off we're going to try and introduce some of the unlikely squads still standing and offer our comprehensive, utterly illogical analyses of each qualifying group.

Let's start out by introducing the "Well I'll Be Damned" team in the North American 2nd Round: the US Virgin Islands (USVI for short).

How unlikely is the 2nd round berth for the "Dashing Eagles" of the USVI? Bear in mind that they only became a FIFA recognized team in 2000. Over the last decade the team's record was 1 Win, 6 Draws and 20 Losses. In June they neared a personal best in the World Rankings by getting to 193rd in the World. The area is known more for being a port for cruise ships than for having any football fortunes to speak of.

Then this happened:

After 2 wins over the British Virgin Islands and advancing on to the Second Round of the Cup competition, the USVI has leapt up to 149th in the World--in a dead heat with Madagascar. They've already gone farther than any USVI team ever has in the Cup...can the go even farther?

Honestly...Maybe. Top ranked Haiti has been in disarray of late (with good reason) and neither Antigua and Barbuda nor Curacao have a larger international legacy than the USVI does. Some of the local press have got high hopes for a third round tussle with the big bad U.S. of A, but that might be putting the cart before the horse--or in USVI terms, putting the sales before the conch shells--especially given the inexperience of the team.

Most players ply their trade in the amateur league that dots the three islands (St. Thomas, St. John and St. Croix), but a young squad has gotten better by incorporating college players into the mix including a Seton Hall Griffin, a Pitt Panther and Alberto Van Grup--a Virginia Tech Hokie. Unfortuantely, it's not clear yet whether the college boys will be able to squeeze Cup qualifiers into their course schedule...I mean, can you imagine selling that to a professor? "Yeah, I know that we have a mid-term but I have to fly to Curacao...to play soccer...please...". Not the most compelling excuse I've yet heard.

But the best player may be Reid Klopp who has made two appearances and scored two goals to boost the Dashing Eagles into the second round. He lives on the islands so no worries about his arrival, and hey...if the NBA's locked the USVI could always ask Tim Duncan to come home and use his height in a Peter Crouchian manner. (He's already got the Robot thing wired!)

But win lose or draw you've gotta root for the Dashing Eagles and the US Virgin Islands. If only because they play and pump themselves up like your local high school squad. (Seriously, hard to imagine snobby Frenchmen doing this)

So best of luck Dashing Eagles! Rise on!

A New Award

Rather than simply saying farewell to teams that have lost we here at the Montanan Hooligans World Cup Center would also like to tip our caps to the best stories and unlikeliest squads to survive a round of qualifying competition. Since the AFC has finished their first round of qualifying it's time to debut this feature with an acknowledgement of the plucky little guppy that could and did win our inaugural "Well, I'll Be Damned" Award": Laos aka Thim Xad (The National Team)

That Laos has made it in to the Second round of Asian Qualifying is remarkable in and of itself. It ranks 174th in the World (lowest of any team advancing from the AFC first round and one spot lower than Vanuatu). It has never ranked higher than 134th (back in 1998). The nation very best players might slip onto a Thai club side, but that's as far as the dream extends for now.

Playing Cambodia took something extra, the two are ranked dead even by Fifa and played that way, with each team winning at home. The first match showed what the Lao Press identified as the team's biggest weakness: Defense. The never seemed to create offensively leaving it to 18 year old midfielder Manolam Phomsouvanh to deliver to cracking goals from set pieces. The rest of the time Cambodia seemed to run all over the Thim Xad defense, despite the fact that they were kept scoreless in the first half.

The second leg showed greater poise for Laos playing in front of their home fans. Team star Lamnao Singto scored twice en route to a 4-2 victory. Singto appears to be the biggest thing in Laotian football (and at 23 one of it's biggest veterans), moving at his will between the Thai Premier League and the local Laotian league, landing an endorsement contract, heck, he even gets the principles of swagger and braggadocio (if this shushing goal celebration is any indication).

But when it came to the end of the match and the referees required 30 minutes of extra time to break the final two goals that sent Laos on came from Visay Phaphovanin and Sysomvang Kanlaya (again from a set piece). Now Thim Xad prepares for Asia's 5th highest ranked team in China, and while the odds are long (and in many cases the names are longer), we here at The Montanan Hooligans World Cup Center will be rooting for Laos, if only so we can say "Well, I'll be Damned" again.

Congrats Laos you won our first WIBD; now try and win another!